Being a parent is a tough enough job for anyone on any given day. Having to be responsible for another human life and worrying if that child is fed, bathed, getting enough sleep, healthy, growing and developing, and happy can be the most enjoyable and the most difficult of challenges a caretaker may endure.
On top of the everyday “normal” stress that comes with this role, we now add on the pure devastation and emotional trauma that comes along with being part of today’s society. As much as we wish we could shield our children from difficult and scary situations, it is inevitable that they will hear, see, or be exposed to the stories that are being shared. So now the question that comes to mind is, “What do we say as parents, caretakers, educators, and role models to children to help them understand, cope, and process the unthinkable?”
This is a question that has endless answers. There is no right or wrong way to talk to your child. The most important thing to keep in mind is that each child is unique in their age, developmental level, experiences, and personality traits. There is no script to read from, even though we wish there was, for such tragic situations.
It is essential that you support your child the way you know best. Spend time with them, listen to their questions, answer their questions as openly and honestly as possible, and don’t be afraid to show your emotions. Children pick up on adults’ social and emotional verbal and non-verbal cues. They are a lot smarter than many give them credit for. The only way we can help educate the future leaders of this world is to help prepare them appropriately for the world we live in.
Supporting your children through tragedy is a challenging and emotionally demanding task. Here are some steps you can take to provide support:
- Open and honest communication: Encourage your children to express their feelings, thoughts, and questions. Create a safe and open environment where they feel comfortable talking about what they're going through.
- Listen actively: Give your children your full attention when they want to talk. Avoid interrupting, judging, or offering solutions immediately. Sometimes, they may just need someone to listen to them.
- Age-appropriate explanations: Tailor your explanations and discussions to your child's age and level of understanding. Younger children may need simpler explanations, while older children may be able to handle more detailed discussions.
- Validate their emotions: Let your children know that their feelings are valid, and it's normal to experience a range of emotions during a tragedy, including sadness, anger, fear, and confusion.
- Maintain routines: Keeping a sense of normalcy in daily routines can provide a stabilizing influence in a time of chaos or grief. Maintain regular mealtimes, bedtime, and other activities as much as possible.
- Encourage self-expression: Encourage your children to express their feelings through various means, such as art, writing, or physical activities. Creative outlets can help them process their emotions.
- Seek professional help if needed: If your children are struggling to cope with the tragedy or their emotional well-being is at risk, consider seeking the help of a therapist, counselor, or support group that specializes in grief and trauma.
- Be patient: Grief and recovery take time. Your children may not "get over" the tragedy quickly, and that's okay. Offer them patience and understanding as they navigate their feelings.
- Lead by example: Show your children how to cope with grief and adversity by modeling healthy ways to deal with your own emotions. They will learn from your example.
- Provide physical comfort: Physical touch, such as hugs, can be reassuring and comforting during difficult times.
- Connect with their support system: Encourage your children to reach out to friends, extended family members, or other trusted adults who can provide additional support.
- Monitor for signs of distress: Be vigilant for signs that your children are struggling more than usual. These signs can include changes in behavior, sleep disturbances, withdrawal, or severe mood swings.
Remember that every child is unique, and the way they respond to and cope with tragedy may vary. Your ongoing support, love, and understanding will be essential in helping them navigate the challenges they face during such times.
I wish there was more advice, language, and answers to provide; however, tough situations take time for any of us to process. Just keep in mind these key points. This is a tragedy that affects many more than the immediate community, the injured, and those who have lost loved ones. It will make children afraid, and many parents fear for their own and their children’s safety. It will sadden us all.
In times of tragedy, we need to join together and support one another through recovery. Stay calm, listen to your child, answer questions using developmentally appropriate language, and expect your child to ask similar questions over and over again. Make your child feel as safe as you can by continuing their daily routine and try not to have the news broadcasting all day.
