Though divorce is painful and expensive even in the best scenario, this article identifies the path through this process that avoids the more stressful and costly detours.
1) Talk to an Attorney. The first thing to do when you’re considering divorce is to arrange for a consultation with an attorney, or several attorneys, if you’d like multiple opinions. In a consultation, you will pay a small fee, and a lawyer will listen to the facts of your potential case. They may ask questions, and can help identify matters you’ve overlooked, such as neglecting the old pension plans in your estimate of property to be divided. They can explain how processes like litigation and mediation work. Depending on how much information you can provide, they may be able to run guidelines that project what sort of child or spousal support award a party is likely to receive. Though no responsible attorney will predict an outcome of your case, they can make recommendations based on the information you provide. You will rely on their information to prioritize your needs and wants before moving on to the next step.
2) Talk to Your Spouse. This is the tricky part, because you’re talking about matters that need to be negotiated, but you are not negotiating yet. In this conversation, you are only trying to figure out where the two of you can reach an agreement and where you will need outside assistance. You will need to talk about who gets what property, what sort of spousal support is needed and fair (if any), and if you have kids, how custody should be arranged and what sort of child support payment is needed. You need not argue with your spouse or convince them of your side. The two of you are simply exploring how easy or difficult it might be to bridge the gap between your positions. You may identify areas where the gap between your relative positions is easily bridged. However, it is also entirely common that parties will adopt starkly opposing positions over such important topics as who should raise their children. If the two of you start arguing, stop discussing that question and move on to the next one. Or, if emotions are simply running too high, stop talking altogether; you have identified where you can use help. Move on to the next step.
3) Hire Your Attorney. By now you are already well-informed about your own case. You have identified the marital property that will be divided and you have a reasonable expectation of how support guidelines would look. You know what your partner wants and what their priorities are. If you learned that you and your spouse can agree on the important issues, it may be that your attorneys will only need to put the agreement in writing and finalize the divorce for you. A responsible attorney will likely propose a fee structure that provides for multiple possible outcomes, including litigation. This sort of fee schedule will protect either of you from being left high and dry if negotiations fall through. However, with well-informed and prepared parties, a lawyer’s hourly rate is being put to good use on things like drawing up a solid agreement, and not wasted on work the parties can do themselves.
By taking these steps, you become well-informed about your rights and responsibilities. You engage your partner in a fruitful discussion that identifies where conflict may lie. By not insisting on engaging those conflicts as part of the same discussion, you save precious emotional energy and collect additional important information, thus saving money on work for which an attorney may potentially bill at rates of even several hundred dollars an hour. These important steps can help you emerge from your divorce with your sanity and solvency intact.
This article is intended for readers considering divorce for reasons other than abuse. Readers trying to leave an abusive relationship should not feel compelled to discuss their plans with their partner and should contact the Women’s Resource Center at 540-639-1123 for guidance and support. The Women’s Resource Center provides assistance to all persons escaping abuse, regardless of sex or gender, and further information is available at https://www.wrcnrv.org/.
 | Courtney Roberts is an experienced attorney available to speak with you about concerns relating to separation, divorce, custody, child and spousal support and a range of criminal defense services. Learn more at http://newriverlaw.com/ or by calling 540-951-8329. |
